Alison Wünderland

I just realized that the word "lie" is in the word "believe"*.  So basically, if someone says, "Believe me!", there's a good chance they're proclaiming that they're lying.  Like, if someone has to say "trust me", that might just convince me not to do that.  For me, I want to be so honest and forthright in deed and action that I'll never have to say those words.  If they have to be said, someone else may say them to someone on my behalf, but not me.  If there's any convincing of honesty that needs to be done, I'm probably in the wrong company. :)

*P.S. I googled "lie" and "believe" being in the same sentence before writing this blog, and it's been said and asked and written before I did it just now.  I look up almost everything before I say it, but just because someone else has thought of it, or heard it but wrote it before me, doesn't mean I didn't also think of it!  So for all intents and purposes, it was an original thought of mine...people have them all the time.  I can't help that someone thought of it before me, had I been born earlier or exposed to different stimuli in my life, I maybe could've been the first to write it. So when I say I didn't copy this idea from the internet, you gotta BELIEVE ME!  ha ha

I find it more and more difficult to find the "off" switch.  Life has become so exciting and fulfilling, I can't seem to get enough of it...and I want it to shape me. I want to strive to be better, and become better, in all ways always.  OMG, my life is kind of like crack.  Who would've ever thought my life would feel like a drug to me, and there aren't the nasty side effects, and everyday is better than the last, being able to "chase that high" and it always feels like the first time...and sometimes, when nothing "good" happens, the only thing that makes it better than the day before is the mere fact that it's different.  There really are no "bad days" when you can learn and grow from everything that comes your way.  I like easy days and happiness...but I crave growth and the struggles are what give me strength.  I want more and more of life and experiences, and I don't even care what happens (don't get me wrong, I have my dreams and desires for it, and I will diligently pursue them), but wherever my life leads me, I will enjoy and truly be in every moment of it.  I feel comfortable saying I'm along for the ride, because it's so clear that no matter what happens, it's ALL GOOD.  I've been low and I've been high and I might be low again...and I might get even higher than I've been, and it's ALL GOOD.  I get it now...I look forward to expanding more on this topic.  

...but I digress...

Drugs are addictive and take us away from and out of life, we aren't in the moment when we alter ourselves.  I guess, however hackneyed it is to say this, life is my drug.  I want to use every moment in the best and most efficient way I can, and if I don't do that, I feel so unsatisfied...beyond that, like I just can't be satiated enough.  I want to grow and learn and love and do everything better and more than I ever have...I want to get along with people in a different way than before (that doesn't mean be EVERYONE's friend, but get along with), and learn SO much.

I can't learn enough. I have a thirst that I've been trying to quench.  It's been like this for over a month now...since a major change happened in my life (that I'll share about at a later date).  In writing about this now, it seems frenzied...but it's not.  Conversely, it's my whole entire life that was frenzied up until recently.  Now, even though I seem like a ravenous creature reaching for every fruit from every tree and taking a bite then tossing it aside to grab more and more...I actually feel a sense of weightlessness and such calm.  Every moment matters...EVERY SINGLE MOMENT MATTERS...and I will enjoy these moments.  I will float through the trees and marvel at all of the different fruits; looking at some, smelling others, tasting this one, eating that one, giving away this one...and being ever so grateful and appreciative to the trees that bear them. Some things take me out of the moment.  Other things do more than that and actually seem to take me away from WHO I AM, I'm going to call those growing pains for now...but I just remind myself that I can use everything to learn and grow to some degree.  

I'm working diligently to clean up the first part of my life...I'm going through a metamorphosis.  It's difficult to write about it all, for many reasons.  First and foremost, I'm private...I don't want people to know much about me, and I think that's okay.  But I want to put myself out there a little more...little by little.  I might look back on this blog post and think, "You should've stuck with your 'drawings' and one liners!"  And that's cool too. :)  When I'm out in public, I don't talk to people all the time, I can be shy and awkward and a lot of times people might wonder, "What the heck is up with that one?!".  I'm here.  I am me...and I've just started to figure out who I really am.  Along this path I'm on, I want to help everyone I can discover who they (YOU) really are too.  It's a beautiful thing.  I don't know how I'll do it, but honesty is a start...and I honestly couldn't be more enamored with life.  I've always wanted to write; I certainly think a lot, but it's a lot different to actually get the words out.  This is a blog, I know.  It's public for the world to see, and that's a little scary for me...it's easier to stay quiet and safe.  I'm putting myself out there, not asking you to accept me or agree with me, but just hear me and try to understand me...I'll be doing the same too (with myself and with you).

One last thing about all this...this is MY BLOG.  What does that mean to me?  Why am I so possessive about it?  Because it's a little window into me...and it won't always make sense...and it won't always flow or have prose...it may be too short or too long...speaking of too short...Did you know I got on stage at an event in Northern California when Too Short (a famous rapper) was supposed to get on stage and perform?  He had a warrant for his arrest and the cops were waiting for him to show up.  The moment before he was to perform, he got rolled (arrested).  The MC (host) was figuring out what to do with the gap in time before the DJ kicked it up again. I went to the side stage, got his okay, and I jumped on stage and proceeded to throw out the product I was representing at the time into the audience for about a minute or two.

Ha ha You see, like that little detour we just took above?  Yeah, that sort of thing might happen from time to time.  (Some call it ADHD/ADD, I call it just being me.  To quote my best friend, "That's a whole other topic for another day." Don't even get me STARTED on that topic now! We're rising above and beyond classifications, designations, affiliations, and the misdiagnosednation.)

I don't know where this is going, but I'm starting somewhere, and this is where I choose. :)

I also know that it takes time to do more than think, hence the reason for my short quips rather than drawn out typing...and editing, censoring and proofreading takes even more time, which I'm not going to take the time to do right now.  RAW Wünderment, if you will...my wonderment for life seen raw without a filter.  It'll be fun to see how this develops...and if nobody ever reads this, I'm still just as stoked on everything because it's helping me grow by the mere existence of this website. Thank you...

Seeing a motorcycle cop with a side car for their German Shepard K-9 unit would be so cool!  What could be cooler than that?  I don't know...perhaps a bicycle cop with a basket on the handlebars and a chihuahua inside of it?! 

I'd rather have a pack of canines than pack a nine.

Sometimes, when I'm on a toll road and approach a tollbooth where there is no attendant on duty, I pose for the camera flash as if it were a ride at Disneyland...even though I know the cameras aren't pointed to the inside of my car. 

This is what happens when I can't sleep...and I go buy a pack of Big League Chew, just to play with. :)

No wonder sharks tend to be aggressive.  If I had a face full of giant serrated teeth that were cutting my mouth up and falling out all the time, I'd be in a shitty mood too!  It's like a teething baby with too much strength.

It feels weird and a little empty without a constant feed in front of my face...book.  It also is more peaceful.  

I don't want anything that I think and write to be thrust in front of anyone's eyes on a screen in a news feed.  And as narcissistic as a website bearing my own name seems to be, it still feels less so than Faceland...and this is MY site.  Here I am.  It is open to the world, but it is my own private little playground and refuge.  A place you can come because you want to see what's happening and interact with me...every message and comment has a purpose.  A place I can come to and not be bombarded with negativity or excess...a place of peace sometimes even!  :)  I might eat my own words and still be on social media once in awhile, I don't know...there are no rules, I'm just doing what feels right at and for each moment.  And at this moment, I want more peace...without sifting through a cacophony of minds and moments.

Please come here because you think of me and want to stay up on what's happening, either with the work I do, or in my head!  ha ha  That last one will start to get interesting as we progress. :)

If you've found this, this is my first blog post ever...and, as you can see, my website still leaves much to be desired, but it's a start!  A step in a different direction.  Thanks for joining me. 
A.W.