Alison Wünderland

We will see how updating this blog goes, I'd like to do so every week or every other week...more so for myself...okay, and maybe for the 7 other people who may actually see this ha ha

Today I will post a flurry of Instagram stories (kind of like a pictorial vomit/purge) then I will hunker down, remove myself from outside media for a few months.  For what?  Some may know, and I'll share more info in the coming weeks perhaps. For why?  The main reason it to center my focus and see what I might be able to achieve.  I'm actually not on social media and interest forums too much, but I want to see what happens without any of it.  And, to be honest, I'm still going through something that I'm struggling to heal from, I'm not sure if I ever will, but to be in touch with so many is draining at times, and I want to eliminate distractions.  I want to feel everything and be aware and present for everything...it might be uncomfortable, but I'm willing to sacrifice comfort for what may be greater peace.

For now, I just needed to practice putting fingers to computer and actually posting a Blog post....since it's been about 3 years!  I might post pictures, random thoughts, and current happenings with me as we move forward.  

Until next time, stay grateful...and I'll do the same. :)

AW

I'd like to blog more...yet I still seem not to do so!  Perhaps time on the road will change that.  It is April 30, 2018 where I am, and if you're in the US, it's still Sunday the 29th.  I'm in Thailand.  This year has started off with a whirlwind and I'm grateful always.

In January I was in Thailand, in February in Ethiopia (more on that sometime), spent a couple weeks in Florida with Pato Banton and the Now Generation as I began to settle into the rhythm of playing with them and continue to do so.  Work with Carla Werner in N8VSOUL once or twice a week either, recording or rehearsing or collaborating the minds and/or souls, or even hiking or walking.

At the moment, I am in Thailand again.  Chaing Mai specifically.  I wanted to come here alone and be here for my birthday last year but wasn't able to coordinate it...this year I am here and it has worked out well.  Aside from a compound fracture of one of my toes a few weeks before departure, the timing was good. :)

It's late and I wanted to do a blog update.  Random things but not in my secret random things page.  By the way, have you found it yet?  Maybe not worth looking for unless you have absolutely nothing going on and want to see inside a constantly changing thought pattern.

Randoms:  
Apathy is to Ambivalent as Agnostic is to Atheist.  Many use both sets of words interchangeably, but there is a difference and I enjoy using words to express deeper meaning.  As it is though, many words don't exist for everything that could be expressed.  I do enjoy other languages, I have become fluent in one other besides English and have found there are some words in that language that express more deeply what my native language doesn't.  Would love to know more languages to that degree!

Album for N8vSoul looking to be done soon.  I'm excited to share that with youz.  Carla is an amazing song writer and soul and am grateful to have crossed paths with her and then forged path together.

Come to Don the Beachcomber in Sunset Beach if you're ever around on a Sunday from 4 to 7pm.  

​AW

...because I skateboarded nearly a mile and a half all about skid row in DTLA tonight kind of by accident. It was beyond interesting and definitely nothing I will ever do again. It's after 3am though now so this is just a book mark. Oh my gosh, what a weird night. I came out of it all unscathed, but the details might fascinate. 😳

*** Incomplete blog post - place holder ***

RATHER TOMORROW

My Dear, I freshen my skin and soften my legs under your green light.
Confidence ahead, anxiety at bay, the moment near;
Tonight.

If hope were an emotion I could borrow,
I would put off tonight until tomorrow.

An infinite evening beside entwined daily autonomy...I drown in my guffaws.
Existence endured to get to you, only to find myself. And you, gasping for your will.

​Give Pause.

The depths of my essence revealed, trace the line to my anchor.
This heart will not exclaim romance
sank her.

If hope were an emotion I could borrow,
I would put off tonight until tomorrow.

You are an enchanted reflection in a storybook.
Eyes carressed by heaven, my impulses tamed with
one look.

If hope were an emotion I could borrow,
though I long for thee, I would again put off today until then.

The rest of my days without you I would go
if certain I could wake with you each morrow.

by Alison Wünderland

On May 4th of this year I woke up, and nothing has been the same since. I began going through an unexpected personal transformation within, a journey that I'm getting closer to putting into words. Everything around me, people and things and places, became brighter and more clear, including my whole life up until that day (interestingly enough, I've never felt more connected and yet so alone, and it's actually okay)...I'd like to share more about that sometime and will most likely do so here when I'm ready.
At this time, I'm now going through some changes professionally. All good things though, oh so good. I appreciate those who support and encourage, always have and always will. Please stay tuned. 
AW
#N8vSoul

I had wondered last night, while at Canter's with friends, if it was still considered bogarting if nobody wanted it...like my friend's chopped chicken liver sandwich across the table from me.  Then I wondered if that term was actually derived from THE Humphrey Bogart.  The friend next to me, quick on the draw, looked it up and it was conclusive!

Here's what Urban Dictionary had to say about it:
(slang verb) To keep something all for oneself, thus depriving anyone else of having any. A slang term derived from the last name of famous actor Humphrey Bogart because he often kept a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, seemingly never actually drawing on it or smoking it.

It's kinda cool...I like how gingerly genderly the word "hero" is.  This grand word includes both genders so we can all be a hero...and really we all are, it's just a matter of realizing it and then DOING something about it.

Professionally:
Still working and playing gigs with Urban Dread in the South Bay every weekend
Still playing shows with the East Wind Rockers backing up Belizean artis Eljai in support of his most recent album "The Other Side of Eljai", which was released on Tuff Gong this year
Still working with Carla Werner on our project, working title "Northern Soul", and looking forward to having our recordings and EPK complete by end of October.

Personally:
Still going through a lot of changes relating to my own personal life and recent experiences (which I will continue to hold close to the belt at this point) and also in understanding the world, which I know will be a lifelong philosophical adventure...but it is taking some adjusting.  I'm more up than down, and grateful to understand life and people and myself the way I do.  Even when I'm down, I'm grateful...I have a pretty steadfast peace that runs through me on a core level, though my exterior can be quite antsy at times struggling to keep up and stay in the hustle and flow of my lifestyle at this point in time.

I think I could write a book size blog on the topic of life being good or bad and the relativity of those words, and there is a lot to say and discuss about it, but I just want to blurt out some random thoughts and fragments on it right now... How come life is so GOOD for some people and others just can't seem to get it there? I've recently heard this frustration from a cross section of people and it made me think about the life perception thing.  I'm just going to float with it for a minute and see where it goes...  

Some insight into my happiness...life is just that, LIFE...and it just IS, and always will be whether it's yours, his, mine, hers, theirs, whatever.  Our past doesn't matter so much as learning from it does; just as a nation or world or species should learn from the history of events that resulted in unfavorable outcomes so as not to repeat them.  On a smaller scale so should we do just that in our lives.  I don't see any purpose in letting our past beat us down or prevent us from seeing the here and now and what is still to come, and having confidence rather than hope.  That's one thing: I don't dwell on my past but I stay aware of it to watch for repeating patterns...and then I will try something COMPLETELY different if an issue continues to surface in my life intrapersonally that is not congruent to a positive outcome and possible ideal future (except when sadistically deliberate...hey, I still have my issues lol). Not dwelling on the past though, that alone doesn't make life good...nothing can...because life can't be good.  WTF? Only WE can.

I remembered my starting thought: "Life is just that, LIFE."  So life IS, then we can fill in the rest because it is subjective.  Life is..._____.   "Good"?  Sure, as good as YOU are.  Life is "shitty"? Yep, if that's where YOU are at.  We can choose and then so it will be, regardless of what happens next or happened before.  Like those license plate borders that say, "I'd rather be..._____." Skiing, golfing, surfing, skydiving, topless (ha)... There's another way to get life better, make it better by saying it is so...aren't there a ton of books about that type of thing?  I think our world might be getting a little better because of cool POSITIVE THINKING (gag [lovingly sarcastic]) Secret books  like that...but I digress.  If I were to make a custom license plate border it would say just that but it would end with a period.  "I'd rather be."  Do you know why?  Because I'd rather "be" than anything else, and it's a cool frame of mind to be in because it's one of the few things that always will be and is whether we want it or not.  We are and always will be.  So let's...and make it good, because we are.

"Challenges are what make life interesting, and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." ~Joshua J. Marine

I just realized that the word "lie" is in the word "believe"*.  So basically, if someone says, "Believe me!", there's a good chance they're proclaiming that they're lying.  Like, if someone has to say "trust me", that might just convince me not to do that.  For me, I want to be so honest and forthright in deed and action that I'll never have to say those words.  If they have to be said, someone else may say them to someone on my behalf, but not me.  If there's any convincing of honesty that needs to be done, I'm probably in the wrong company. :)

*P.S. I googled "lie" and "believe" being in the same sentence before writing this blog, and it's been said and asked and written before I did it just now.  I look up almost everything before I say it, but just because someone else has thought of it, or heard it but wrote it before me, doesn't mean I didn't also think of it!  So for all intents and purposes, it was an original thought of mine...people have them all the time.  I can't help that someone thought of it before me, had I been born earlier or exposed to different stimuli in my life, I maybe could've been the first to write it. So when I say I didn't copy this idea from the internet, you gotta BELIEVE ME!  ha ha

I find it more and more difficult to find the "off" switch.  Life has become so exciting and fulfilling, I can't seem to get enough of it...and I want it to shape me. I want to strive to be better, and become better, in all ways always.  OMG, my life is kind of like crack.  Who would've ever thought my life would feel like a drug to me, and there aren't the nasty side effects, and everyday is better than the last, being able to "chase that high" and it always feels like the first time...and sometimes, when nothing "good" happens, the only thing that makes it better than the day before is the mere fact that it's different.  There really are no "bad days" when you can learn and grow from everything that comes your way.  I like easy days and happiness...but I crave growth and the struggles are what give me strength.  I want more and more of life and experiences, and I don't even care what happens (don't get me wrong, I have my dreams and desires for it, and I will diligently pursue them), but wherever my life leads me, I will enjoy and truly be in every moment of it.  I feel comfortable saying I'm along for the ride, because it's so clear that no matter what happens, it's ALL GOOD.  I've been low and I've been high and I might be low again...and I might get even higher than I've been, and it's ALL GOOD.  I get it now...I look forward to expanding more on this topic.  

...but I digress...

Drugs are addictive and take us away from and out of life, we aren't in the moment when we alter ourselves.  I guess, however hackneyed it is to say this, life is my drug.  I want to use every moment in the best and most efficient way I can, and if I don't do that, I feel so unsatisfied...beyond that, like I just can't be satiated enough.  I want to grow and learn and love and do everything better and more than I ever have...I want to get along with people in a different way than before (that doesn't mean be EVERYONE's friend, but get along with), and learn SO much.

I can't learn enough. I have a thirst that I've been trying to quench.  It's been like this for over a month now...since a major change happened in my life (that I'll share about at a later date).  In writing about this now, it seems frenzied...but it's not.  Conversely, it's my whole entire life that was frenzied up until recently.  Now, even though I seem like a ravenous creature reaching for every fruit from every tree and taking a bite then tossing it aside to grab more and more...I actually feel a sense of weightlessness and such calm.  Every moment matters...EVERY SINGLE MOMENT MATTERS...and I will enjoy these moments.  I will float through the trees and marvel at all of the different fruits; looking at some, smelling others, tasting this one, eating that one, giving away this one...and being ever so grateful and appreciative to the trees that bear them. Some things take me out of the moment.  Other things do more than that and actually seem to take me away from WHO I AM, I'm going to call those growing pains for now...but I just remind myself that I can use everything to learn and grow to some degree.  

I'm working diligently to clean up the first part of my life...I'm going through a metamorphosis.  It's difficult to write about it all, for many reasons.  First and foremost, I'm private...I don't want people to know much about me, and I think that's okay.  But I want to put myself out there a little more...little by little.  I might look back on this blog post and think, "You should've stuck with your 'drawings' and one liners!"  And that's cool too. :)  When I'm out in public, I don't talk to people all the time, I can be shy and awkward and a lot of times people might wonder, "What the heck is up with that one?!".  I'm here.  I am me...and I've just started to figure out who I really am.  Along this path I'm on, I want to help everyone I can discover who they (YOU) really are too.  It's a beautiful thing.  I don't know how I'll do it, but honesty is a start...and I honestly couldn't be more enamored with life.  I've always wanted to write; I certainly think a lot, but it's a lot different to actually get the words out.  This is a blog, I know.  It's public for the world to see, and that's a little scary for me...it's easier to stay quiet and safe.  I'm putting myself out there, not asking you to accept me or agree with me, but just hear me and try to understand me...I'll be doing the same too (with myself and with you).

One last thing about all this...this is MY BLOG.  What does that mean to me?  Why am I so possessive about it?  Because it's a little window into me...and it won't always make sense...and it won't always flow or have prose...it may be too short or too long...speaking of too short...Did you know I got on stage at an event in Northern California when Too Short (a famous rapper) was supposed to get on stage and perform?  He had a warrant for his arrest and the cops were waiting for him to show up.  The moment before he was to perform, he got rolled (arrested).  The MC (host) was figuring out what to do with the gap in time before the DJ kicked it up again. I went to the side stage, got his okay, and I jumped on stage and proceeded to throw out the product I was representing at the time into the audience for about a minute or two.

Ha ha You see, like that little detour we just took above?  Yeah, that sort of thing might happen from time to time.  (Some call it ADHD/ADD, I call it just being me.  To quote my best friend, "That's a whole other topic for another day." Don't even get me STARTED on that topic now! We're rising above and beyond classifications, designations, affiliations, and the misdiagnosednation.)

I don't know where this is going, but I'm starting somewhere, and this is where I choose. :)

I also know that it takes time to do more than think, hence the reason for my short quips rather than drawn out typing...and editing, censoring and proofreading takes even more time, which I'm not going to take the time to do right now.  RAW Wünderment, if you will...my wonderment for life seen raw without a filter.  It'll be fun to see how this develops...and if nobody ever reads this, I'm still just as stoked on everything because it's helping me grow by the mere existence of this website. Thank you...

Seeing a motorcycle cop with a side car for their German Shepard K-9 unit would be so cool!  What could be cooler than that?  I don't know...perhaps a bicycle cop with a basket on the handlebars and a chihuahua inside of it?! 

I'd rather have a pack of canines than pack a nine.

Sometimes, when I'm on a toll road and approach a tollbooth where there is no attendant on duty, I pose for the camera flash as if it were a ride at Disneyland...even though I know the cameras aren't pointed to the inside of my car. 

This is what happens when I can't sleep...and I go buy a pack of Big League Chew, just to play with. :)

No wonder sharks tend to be aggressive.  If I had a face full of giant serrated teeth that were cutting my mouth up and falling out all the time, I'd be in a shitty mood too!  It's like a teething baby with too much strength.